saturday

it's been a very pleasant saturday around here.

it's jeremy's day off - my favorite day of the week! amazingly, all of us slept in until almost 8 this morning. it felt so good to get some extra sleep!

i made pancakes for breakfast, with fresh blueberries i bought at the farmer's market yesterday. yum. i made a special caterpillar pancake for love. she happily ate the whole thing!

our kids were both very enjoyable this morning.

it was a beautiful day, so we headed to the local botanical gardens for a walk and some family time.

taking a break to feed a hungry jobot...

a great pic of my two favorite boys...

we went out for lunch and shared a burrito and some guacamole. delicious.

this afternoon i went out all by myself. that time alone is so good for my soul. i headed to the local bookstore cafe and drank a chai while reading a book. then i made a stop for some educational materials for love. this past week, i've started doing some preschool materials with her and she is totally into it. in fact, a lot of the behavior issues we have been dealing with have significantly decreased since i began having "school time" with her.

after i got home, we did some coloring and painting, and our girl played with her trains. she is very into trains these days...even having to kiss her engines goodnight before heading upstairs to bed. a common sight in our home these days...

we waited to eat until after love was in bed. jeremy grilled delicious steaks that were generously gifted to us by my sister and we had grilled vegetables and mashed potatoes on the side.

we watched some olympics while eating a treat of vanilla ice cream with peaches on top. a perfect end to a wonderful day.

new names

as i'm sure you have noticed, i don't refer to our kids by their real names on this blog. instead they are referred to as "our girl", "our little guy", etc...

now that we have two kids, i am finding it harder to refer to our kids without having some kind of name for them - it just gets confusing! so...i decided to give them blog names to make things easier around here...

introducing...

i will be referring to them by these names from now on, and hopefully this change makes everything a bit easier!

silly girl

as we were walking through the grocery store tonight, a quote from our girl (said in cheerful, sing-song voice):

"someday, i go far away for a while and never come back"

what? where did she learn that?!? we looked at each other incredulously and then hid our faces in shame as we felt like everyone around us must think we are horrible parents.

no, girl, please don't ever go far away.

a diaper bag saga

the other day, we spent some time running errands. we were about to turn onto our street when i had a sinking feeling and suddenly turned to jeremy and said, "do we have the diaper bag?" i frantically spun around to look for it...sure enough, it wasn't there. jeremy immediately turned the car around and we went into panic mode. where did we see it last? which of us was the last person to have contact with it? we came to the conclusion that we had left it at the last store we had stopped at and that it must have been left in the shopping cart in the parking lot. we also concluded that it was jeremy's fault, and decided that we were not going to have a fight about it.

the fact that it was jeremy's fault was really not a big deal. you see, in the last year, we have left our diaper bag behind at least four other times, and we have each had our turn being the one at fault. in fact, the worst leaving behind of the diaper bag was my fault...when we were on a road trip to my mom's house and i left it at a coffee shop forty-five minutes away from her house. the bad part was that neither of us realized we had left it until we got to my mom's house, so jeremy had to drive all the way back to pick it up.

so, the frantic realization that the diaper bag is missing is not unfamiliar to us. however, the fact that we decided we were not going to have a fight about it was a big deal. you see, we have had fights over several of the other diaper bag mishaps, so this was a big step for us. and we actually stuck to that agreement and didn't have a fight. hurray for us.

we thought that things were looking up in terms of keeping track of our diaper bag. before we had our boy, we just had a small little backpack type bag that was our diaper bag. it was gray and was easy to leave behind. after the fourth time we lost our diaper bag (in the shopping cart at a grocery store in california) jeremy announced that our next diaper bag was going to be very large and neon in color. we realized that neither of us really wanted to carry around a neon bag, but after realizing the amount of stuff we have to schlep around with a baby and a toddler, we now own what just might be the world's largest diaper bag. you would think it would be impossible to leave behind since it is so big, but apparently it's not.

anyway...back to the car ride to retrieve the forgotten bag. i, of course, start listing off everything that is in the bag that someone could steal (including my wallet). my heart was pounding and i felt helpless as we were several miles away from the store and all i could do was wait out the drive there. jeremy was more calm and was sure that we would find the bag and all would be well. he even prayed out loud on the way there.

sure enough...about ten minutes later we pulled into the parking lot and there was a worker retrieving the shopping carts from the cart corral. he must have seen us frantically scanning the parking lot and he asked if we were looking for a diaper bag! why yes, we were! he told us that it was waiting for us inside the store, safe and sound.

it was, and all my fears were relieved. our diaper bag came home with us, and on the drive home we brainstormed ideas to prevent this from happening in the future (a diaper bag tracking device? an alarm that goes off whenever we get too far away from the bag? permanently attaching the bag to one of our bodies?). in the end, we came up with a simple system that will {hopefully} keep us from leaving the bag behind again any time soon. in addition to the new system, we just might be on the lookout for a huge, neon diaper bag...

two months old

our little man is two months old!

some facts about our boy. he...

...is so much fun these days! we are enjoying lots of smiles, coos, and giggles.

...is a big boy! can you believe he just started wearing some 6 to 9 month clothes?! i think he weighs around 14 pounds and he is really, really long.

...has found his hands and loves to chew and suck on his fingers.

...is still nursing and then having a bottle afterwards. he seems much happier now that we got some anti-colic bottles.

...gets up one to two times a night to eat.

...loves to snuggle and often wants to nurse in order to fall asleep.

...really enjoys sitting in the swing (most of the time, anyway). 

...loves bath time and swimming.

...wants to be held a lot.

...enjoys being carried in the babyhawk carrier (although we don't use it when it is so hot!)

...is still sleeping in his little bed in our room.

...brings so much joy to our family!

on a sunday...

baby and i slept in a bit this morning while jeremy played trains with our girl. the wooden train set is her favorite toy these days and they set up a large track, snaked through our living room. baby has been getting up twice to eat the past few nights, and i've been tired, so it felt really good to sleep in.

the kids and i stayed home from church this morning. baby nursed while we read books, and our girl played with her trains. there were quite a few moments of testing me, which culminated in our girl turning into a limp noodle when it was time for her to sit on the potty. those are the kind of moments which frustrate me the most. in retrospect, i realize that my frustration in those moments is more because i don't know how to deal with her behavior than it actually is with the way she is acting. those moments seem to be happening quite often these days. this parenting thing...it's a constant struggle to maintain patience, balance my love for her with the need to discipline, and be creative in the way i respond to her defiance. and defiance there is...in fact, the other day at the bookstore, jeremy stayed with the kids by the train table while i left to seek out some parenting books. i returned with a stack of five, among them, "parenting the strong willed child", "discipline with love and logic for toddlers through age 6", "the strong willed child", and a couple other books i have forgotten the titles of. we must have looked rather desperate, sitting there looking through them as our two-year-old played. the thing is...we often feel desperate! desperate for someone to hand us the manual to raising this girl, and desperate for someone to hand us the extra dose of patience, love, and creativity we need.

some days i feel like i am doing great and the extra patience, love, and creativity are brimming over throughout the day. other days i feel like i am at the end of my rope and find myself barking "no" and sighing more than i want or need to. most days are a mix of both.

take the other morning for example. i was eager to get out of the house for a bit and the patience, love, and creativity were brimming over. i decided to take the kids to the craft store. i pictured baby sleeping in his car seat in the back of the shopping cart and big sister sitting in the shopping cart seat while i strolled through the store. i thought that my girl and i would chatter about what we saw, and we would eventually settle on some little crafty item to purchase and work on together after we got home. in reality...baby was screaming as we loaded up the car and headed out. he had recently eaten and i thought he would fall asleep on the way there. he didn't. we got to the store and i loaded the kids in the shopping cart. the shopping carts at this particular store are tiny and although both kids fit, big sister was getting pretty mad that brother's car seat handle was right behind her head. she would bang her head on it and whimper every once in a while, just to dramatically show me that she was not happy with this arrangement. baby lasted in his car seat for about three minutes before he started crying. i took him out of his seat and started picturing myself holding him in one arm while i pushed the cart with the other. i thought, "this could still work". what i didn't picture was how we would end up...baby screaming inconsolably (apparently still hungry), and me standing in the middle of the store digging into the diaper bag to get out a bottle and then trying to feed him while our girl attempted to hit me, grabbed things off all the nearby shelves, and started yelling. all that extra patience and creativity were gone (there was still some love...but it was hard to find at that moment!) and i almost burst into tears myself right there in the middle of the store.

there certainly are many moments of beauty in this life of ours, and along with this strong will of our daughter comes a bright, affectionate girl who freely says, "i like you mommy" and is often a pleasure to spend time with. sometimes in the midst of the challenges, those moments seem pretty far away. i have found myself praying more frequently these days...mostly for help and wisdom as i deal with a toddler. but there are also prayers of gratitude and thanksgiving for the beauty of these two little ones in our life and the privilege of being their mommy. these days are going so quickly and i can see and feel their little bodies getting bigger. so...i try to take extra notice of the way baby clasps my shirt when he nurses, the little dimples in his knuckles, the way he breathes as he snuggles. and our girl...her little curly hair, her giggles, how she reaches up to hold my hand when we walk outside, and the way she sits next to me when we read a book.

this afternoon, i got time out to myself, for the first time since baby was born. ahh...it was wonderful. i snuck out between feedings and went to the local bookstore where i slowly enjoyed lunch while reading a good book. i sat there reading long after my lunch was gone, savoring the time away from home. when it was time to go, i felt refreshed and ready to head home. i was reminded how that time away is so important for me to gain perspective and have some time to myself. jeremy is very good at encouraging me to have that time to myself and offering to give me the opportunity to go out. when i thank him for giving me that time, he always thanks me for taking him up on the offer and going out. what a guy! (i think he knows from experience that everything goes a bit better around here if mama gets some time out every so often). the good news is that i'm only halfway done with the book, so i have an excuse to get out again soon.

the birth story of our little man

(Within our little guy's first few days, I wrote down his birth story because I didn't want to forget any details of the day. I wasn't sure that I wanted to share this on my blog, but decided to do so. I love hearing and reading other people's birth stories and thought someone might enjoy reading about the day. I also have had a lot of people ask about the home birth and would love to raise awareness about what a home birth could look like and share how it went for me. I have edited out some of the details that don't really need to be shared with the whole world, but have left most of the story as is. I hope you enjoy reading about the arrival of our little man.)

Jeremy’s Dad arrived for a twelve day visit on Thursday, May 17. My due date had come and gone on Mother’s Day, May 13, and I was feeling very pregnant and uncomfortable and ready to have a baby! On Friday, we went to the zoo and walked around for about three hours. We ran into my midwife when we went out for ice cream afterwards and we all agreed that we hoped the next time that we saw each other was when I was in labor! On Saturday, Jeremy graduated from seminary. On Sunday, we skipped church (I didn't feel like hearing everyone's comments about how I was still pregnant!) and went out for bagels and then for a morning walk in the Nature Preserve. The high that day was 93 degrees and it was really humid. By the afternoon, our house was feeling quite unbearable and I was antsy to get out, so we headed to the mall. Dad stayed with our girl while she played in the playground area and Jeremy and I briskly walked around the mall about five times.

We headed home and ate dinner. I was noticing that I was having contractions and thought they seemed to be pretty regular. I timed them and they were about 5 to 7 minutes apart, but they were not painful at all. I had also been having cramps all day. I thought something might be starting, so I called Yolanda, our midwife, around 9 pm just to let her know. She told me to go to bed so that I could get some rest. Dad, Jeremy, and I were playing a round of Rummikub, so we finished the game and I headed to bed.

I woke up around 3 am and was feeling really uncomfortable, so I decided to get up. Jeremy woke up too and came downstairs with me. I was having contractions on and off, but nothing really significant. It felt a lot more comfortable to be out of bed. I sat on the exercise ball and had a snack. Jeremy set up the birthing tub in our dining room. Around 5 am, I decided to lie down on the couch and try to get some rest. I dozed until about 7 am. Yolanda called around 8:30 in the morning to check in. I told her that I was having slightly uncomfortable contractions about 3 to 4 minutes apart. We decided we would check in by phone around 4 that afternoon unless things changed before then.

My contractions started becoming more intense as the morning went on, but I breathed through them and found them very manageable. Jeremy’s Dad took our girl out around 10:30 am (they were planning to be out all day and spend the night in a hotel, so we didn't have to worry about her).

Around 11 am, Jeremy and I decided to go for a walk. We took a good walk around the neighborhood. I felt that my contractions were getting more intense, but I was able to walk through them and we enjoyed walking hand in hand and talking along the way. After we got home, I took a shower and was having some stronger contractions. When I wasn’t having a contraction, I was still able to talk and walk around the house. I sent a few emails. I ate some chicken noodle soup and we tried to watch an episode of a show online but the contractions were stronger and I wasn’t able to concentrate on the show, so we turned it off. 

We decided to take one last belly photo (this pic was taken in between contractions at 1:45 pm, about 3 hours before our little guy was born):

I felt like I didn’t quite know what to do with myself at home, so we headed out for another walk (it was about 2 pm). We walked about six blocks and my contractions were getting to the point where I had to stop, lean on Jeremy, and breathe through them. Of course, people were driving by and we were probably quite a sight laboring right there on the sidewalk! I remember both of the walks we took that day as very special times...walking with Jeremy and realizing that soon we would meet this little one!

We got home from the walk around 2:30 and I was really starting to feel things picking up. Jeremy called Yolanda to give her an update and to ask her if it was okay for me to get in the birthing tub. She said that was a good idea, so Jeremy started filling the tub. We decided to check in with Yolanda in an hour. In between contractions, I was walking around the house, helping Jeremy fill the tub, and doing various little tasks. When I would have a contraction, I would stop and lean on whatever piece of furniture was nearby and try to breathe and relax. Throughout the whole experience, I kept thinking, “Wow – this really isn’t as bad as I thought it would be”. 

I got in the tub around 3:15, while it was still filling. It didn’t provide the immediate comfort that I expected, but it was still helpful. I found that it was most comfortable for me to be on my knees and lean against the side of the tub. Around 3:30, things started to get really intense, to the point that I told Jeremy that I needed him with me. He knelt by the side of the birth tub and I leaned on him. I found myself clawing at the back of Jeremy’s shirt at the peak of the contraction (and the next day I saw that he had quite a big scratch across his back!). He calmly held onto me and encouraged me. I told Jeremy that I thought we should call Yolanda and tell her to come over, so he did.

Around 3:45 I suddenly felt like I was pushing during a contraction. That feeling scared me and I said to Jeremy, “I feel like I’m pushing!” I’ve never seen him move faster than the speed at which he jumped up, grabbed the phone, and called Yolanda back. She was already on her way over and said she would be here in a few minutes. Jeremy stayed right by my side as I had a few more contractions before she got to the house.

We were both so relieved when Yolanda walked in the door. She quickly began setting things up and then she checked me while I was in the tub. She said that there was just a tiny little lip of the cervix left and that she wanted me to have three more contractions to get rid of the lip of the cervix before I started pushing. I couldn’t believe that I was already that close to having the baby and I asked her for clarification. She assured me that this was really happening and that I was doing it. I was so relieved that the end was in sight! I had a couple more contractions and I felt my water break with one of them. She checked the baby’s heart rate and it was 140.

Yolanda helped me lean back into a semi-sitting position against the side of the tub and then I started pushing. Jeremy’s head was right by mine and he was constantly encouraging me and telling me that I was “kicking ass” with each contraction. Sometimes he would whisper into my ear. He offered me drinks in between contractions and was so supportive and kind.

Yolanda instructed Jeremy to reach down and feel the baby’s head, which he did. He was so excited and was so encouraging to me that I was doing it and that soon we were going to have a baby. I was moaning with each contraction and trying really hard to avoid any kind of screaming or high pitched sounds because I know that they are not as helpful as low sounds. I felt like I was pushing SO hard. Yolanda has such a soothing voice and she repeatedly said, “We want to have a gentle birth, just a gentle birth”. 

In between contractions, Yolanda grabbed my hand and guided me to feel the top of the baby’s head. That motivated to get that baby out! Shortly afterwards, Yolanda said that the cord was wrapped around his neck. I had to hold off on pushing for a bit while she took care of that (not an easy task when everything in your body is saying that it's time to get the baby out!). She said that we were going to get the baby out on the next contraction, so I pushed really, really hard. I remember saying, “It hurts!”, “I’m shaking!” and “I just want to be done!”. I just kept breathing and pushing and then all of a sudden he slid out of my body and I was pulling him onto my chest. It was 4:48 pm.

He was very purple and didn’t start breathing right away. Yolanda rubbed all over his body and covered him with a towel. I was a little scared and asked if he was okay. She assured us that he was, he just needed a little extra time to transition. I was rubbing his back and talking to him and then he started giving little coughs and breathing and eventually started crying.

After our little guy started breathing and I knew he was okay, I remember leaning my head against the back of the tub while he was lying on my chest and said, “I did it. I cannot believe I did that!” After months of wondering if I could actually have our baby at home and sometimes doubting whether I could handle the pain, I was so incredibly proud of myself and amazed at my body. Jeremy cut the cord about ten minutes after he was born.

our new little one (sucking his thumb!)

I moved to the couch, and Jeremy got me a drink and a snack and Yolanda cleaned everything up. I nursed baby. Yolanda did a newborn exam and weighed him. We were all shocked when he weighed in at 10 pounds, 10 ounces! He was 21.5 inches long. 

Getting weighed...

Look at that little smushed newborn face!

The newborn exam...

A proud daddy and his boy!

 We called our families to share the good news and snuggled with our new little guy on the couch. Yolanda left around 7:30 and Jeremy and I got takeout for dinner. We spent a quiet evening at home together, soaking up our new baby. We were exhausted and full of joy.

     

Enjoying a hard-earned beer with dinner that night!

This birth was an amazing and bonding experience for us as a couple and we grew in our love and tenderness for each other. Walking hand in hand through the neighborhood as we anticipated meeting our boy, holding onto Jeremy as I experienced intense contractions, Jeremy's tenderness and encouragement to me while I was pushing...they all made me love and appreciate him more.

May 21, 2012 will go down in the books as one of the hardest and greatest days of my entire life. I am so thankful that our little guy is here – safe and sound. I am thankful that he had a gentle birth at home. I am thankful for Yolanda and her part in our experience. I am thankful for Jeremy and his love for me. And I am so proud of myself for having a natural and beautiful birth at home.

from our air conditioned second story...

it seems the "terrible twos" have hit, and they have hit hard. we have been fielding quite a few tantrums at our house the past few days and there have been several doozies. today was the worst of it so far. jeremy and i often find ourselves at a loss as to how to discipline and how best to approach the variety of behaviors we approach in a day. parenting takes so much intentionality, energy, and creativity. it doesn't help that it is hot, hot, hot. the excessive heat advisory (that is supposed to last until saturday!) has left us with little to do but retreat to our upstairs where we have a window air conditioner in our bedroom. our girl's bedroom is right across the hall from ours, so i rigged up an elaborate system with sheets hanging from floor to ceiling in the hallway and several fans so that the air goes from our room to hers, so we have a cool area to hang out in. the problem is that the area is small, our girl gets restless, and there's just not much to do up here. we brought up several toys and there was the special treat of watching several episodes of thomas the tank engine on the laptop. we have only ventured out to get things we need from downstairs, go to the bathroom, eat a meal, or leave the house to head somewhere where there is air conditioning. neither of the kids handle the heat very well (and neither do we, really), and nursing is especially not fun in the heat...so we stay upstairs as much as possible. (i have been thankful that i am not pregnant right now! that would be much worse!) it hit 101 degrees today and even now (9:07 pm) it is still 98 degrees outside. apparently it hasn't been this hot in our area since 1936.

we have been having a very busy summer with jeremy's internship and with adjusting to being a family of four. we have been making some memories and taking some photos...here is some of what we've been up to...

blueberry picking with some church friends. below is how our girl looked most of the time we were picking - stuffing her face with blueberries. she loves them! i would throw some in her bucket and they would immediately disappear into her mouth. it was fun to see her reaction to bushes covered with blueberries that she could pick and eat!

this little man hit the one month mark. he has grown out of almost all of his 0 - 3 month clothes. last week he weighed 12 lbs 4 oz. a growing boy indeed!

cloth diapering the stuffed animals...

and time outside in the kiddie pool. the other day we headed outside and i brought out the baby bathtub for our little guy. we filled it with lukewarm water, stripped him down and popped him in and he had a blast. (he didn't really enjoy the couple of times when big sister sneaked over with a cup full of cold water from her kiddie pool and dumped it on his stomach. poor, vulnerable little guy. the cup disappeared after a couple of those incidents).

we got out the popsicles. apparently, our girl thought baby needed a taste. she stuck it in his mouth before we could stop her (and i just happened to have the camera handy, so i snapped a photo!)

he didn't really care for his first taste of something that is not milk.

he is getting to be so fun and interacting so much! and he loves being in water.

playing with daddy. (yes, i propped baby up in his little seat. he has such great head control that i thought i would try it. he loved being able to look around!)

cooing and smiling...

jeremy was gone to a long meeting the other evening and i was home with the kids. our girl needed a bath, and little guy loves water so much that i decided to prop him up in the bath seat and let him sit in the tub for a bit. our girl was so excited to have baby brother in the tub with her, and he really enjoyed it (...until big sister dumped a cup full of water over his head...then he was done. seriously, those big sisters...they are so quick.)

my little monster (slightly traumatized by his first experience in the big bathtub?)

funny ways of napping - see the little feet sticking out of the crib?

a beard "just like daddy's"

camping out in our room today... love that air conditioner! i love that guy in the photo too, but the air conditioner is competing for my love today!

and remembering days when it looked like this outside. hard to imagine...