for thirty-two

today is jeremy's birthday.
here is a little poem i wrote to celebrate.


for thirty-two (a gift for my love)

the alarm goes off,
or sometimes it is a child calling to us.
morning has broken,
even if it is still dark outside.

you get up first,
i struggle to open my eyes.
minutes later you stand by the bed,
cup of steaming coffee in hand.

you set it on the nightstand.
the coffee is for me,
and so are the "good morning"
and the kiss.

the day begins.
work done.
children cared for.
bills paid (somehow).

meals prepared and eaten,
the chaos of dinner and bedtime.
maybe an argument or two,
but hopefully more kisses than arguments.

sleepy devotions before bed.
with heavy eyes we read
and sing quietly,
with cracking voices.

we exchange yawns,
then turn the light out.
we kiss goodnight
and fall asleep in each other's arms.

ordinary days,
but these are the good ones.
treasures upon treasures
in each simple day.

we often forget the beauty
He has given us.
yet He lovingly blesses us
with more days and years.

the big 3.0.

i turned 30 on sunday! of course, it also happened to be father's day and jeremy's dad was visiting, so we had quite the weekend of celebrating over here!

and wow...30. my 20s are over. they were quite a decade. in the past ten years, i've graduated from college, bought a house, met and married jeremy, worked full-time nights as an RN, said goodbye to two parents, given birth to two kids, become a full time mom, and moved across the country. whew! i entered my 20s as a single college student and left them as a wife and mom. i hardly recognize the twenty-year-old me as i look at myself now. what a lot of change.

this last one, 29, was a hard year. lots of tears, questions, anxieties, and trying desperately to trust God's plan for our lives. on my birthday this year, i think i was mostly celebrating the fact that i survived this past year and hoping that this next one is better. even so, as hard as it is to say, i wouldn't trade this past year of life for an easier one. we have learned valuable lessons, seen God's faithfulness, testified to God's work in our lives, and grown closer to each other. at the same time, i do hope this next year will involve fewer tears and more laughter. so far, it's looking good.

after visiting a church on sunday, we came home for coffee, nap-time, cards, and a couple of gifts. after jobot woke up, we headed downtown for a father's day/birthday lunch. the dads shared a steak-for-two dinner.

we spent the rest of the afternoon at the zoo, with plans to come home for homemade birthday cheesecake. unfortunately, just before we left the zoo, jobot dislocated his elbow. the whole event involved lots of tears (not only from jobot), concerned parents, and a poor boy who couldn't use his arm.

we brought love and dad home and spent the evening in the ER. it was our first trip to the ER with one of our kids. (funny timing, as i was just saying the other day that we are probably going to be taking jobot to the ER quite often...such a rough and tumble, daring, climber that he is). before we went, i had already diagnosed him with a dislocated elbow (i just knew), but he was officially diagnosed after a med student and resident looked at him. some arm manipulations and screaming later, it was popped back into place and jobot was immediately back to himself again. we had taken him to the hospital where jeremy works, so we even got a visit from the on-call chaplain (a friend and colleague of jeremy's). ha!

sad little boy.

 all fixed and back to his old self! happy boy and happy mama!

jeremy works in the children's hospital and sees very sick kids every day. already this summer, we have both realized how easy it is for us to take our children's health for granted, and how it could just as easily be us sitting in those hospital rooms, wringing our hands and pleading for our child's healing. it is always hard to see your child in pain, even if it is something as simple as a dislocated elbow, and it gave us a tiny bit of perspective about what some people face every day under far more serious circumstances.

i ended the weekend thankful for good medical care and healthy children, and thankful for a fresh start on a new year.

here's to 30!

jobot is one!

on may 21, jobot turned one!

his birthday happened to fall two days before we moved, so unfortunately, our house and life were in states of chaos at the time. i was disappointed that the day wasn't more set aside just for celebrating him...instead we were running love to the homes of wonderful friends who offered to watch her for part of the day, packing boxes, and dealing with logistics.

grandma arrived for a visit in the afternoon, so that made the day more special. she brought some presents, which was nice, because all he got from us was a water bottle and two new sippy cups, and we didn't even wrap them. we did buy him a bunch of balloons, which is about the most exciting gift a one-year-old could have anyway.

we did have a little party for him the sunday before his birthday. we had four friends over, ate cheesecake, marveled over our boy, and watched him smash his smash cake. it was a good celebration, and i was glad we could celebrate with friends before we moved.

hard to believe he is one.

one year ago...it seems like just yesterday. the day he was born was a highlight of my life. and he was beautiful and perfect - all 10 pounds, 10 ounces of him! and then we found ourselves in the {challenging} transition of becoming a family of four. this little guy was so cute and sweet, and also cried. a lot. and it was so hot last summer. and he wanted to be held and/or nursing at all times. but boy did we fall in love with him quickly. really, how could we not?

 and now, a year later. the most handsome little birthday boy in the whole world (and maybe the biggest? seriously...he is the size of a two-year-old. he weighs in at 30 pounds and is off the charts for height and weight. to put it in perspective, i think love weighs around 36 pounds! he eats so much i can hardly keep up. i joke that soon i will have to make one meal for the family, and a whole separate meal for him, but it's probably not actually a joke! watch out, grocery budget!)

i made him his own little smash cake. the rest of us had homemade cheesecake and blueberries. yum. my dear friend becky was over the night before the little party and we made the crust layer of the cheesecake together. one of several sweet memories of our last week at our old house.

our little cake smasher.

and two goofy party animals.

balloons! what more could a one-year-old want?

this boy brings so much joy to our lives. he is funny and does things just to make us laugh. he keeps me SO busy during the day and always seems to be getting into something...he tries to play in the toilets, climbs in the dishwasher as soon as i open it, grabs things out of the dishwasher and throws toys in, goes from one room to another rearranging things. he is also a climber...climbing into baskets, onto furniture, it goes on all day. whew - i can hardly keep up!

he loves being outside and happily walks around chattering and picking up leaves and sticks. he eats dirt and always has a ring of dirt around his mouth when we are outside. the other day we were eating lunch outside in the backyard and when a fly landed on his hand, he brought it up to his mouth like he was going to eat it! ew! such a boy. he gets so dirty, i don't even know where all the dirt comes from.

he says a select few words, but is very clear about what he wants. he calls jeremy "daddu", which is just about the cutest thing we've ever heard. he loves his big sister and watches her closely, then tries to do what she does. he spends his time at home happily chattering to himself while walking around the house with various toys (that is, when he's not trying to get into something). he doesn't usually pay attention to where he is walking and falls or runs into things numerous times a day. lots of tears and bumps and bruises.

he is all done with bottles, as of the weekend before his birthday. he had some kind of stomach bug and every time he drank milk it would seem to get worse, so we held off the milk for a couple of days and then just gave it to him in sippy cups instead of bottles from then on. easy transition!

he takes one nap in the afternoon, usually for an hour or two and he sleeps all night from 7 pm to 6:30 am or so (at least one of our kids sleeps through the night!).

he loves the whole family, but i am happy that he loves his mama best. we all love him so much. he is such a little joy-bringer, and a delightful part of our family.

three!

our amazing little love turned three on sunday. three!

there's something about three...it seems so much older than two. i have to admit that i felt a bit teary on our little one's last day as a two-year-old. although some days feel so long, these sweet years seem to be passing too quickly.

she was so excited for her birthday this year! papa (jeremy's dad) was here from california for her birthday, so that made the day extra special for all of us.

there was a special birthday donut for breakfast (the sprinkles were all licked off first, kid-style). 

three tulips from daddy (per tradition...each year he gets her the number of flowers of the age she is turning...he's such a great daddy).

there was a special mama-made button to wear to church.

a mama-decorated cake (we made the cake together the day before). this girl is into anything that has wheels, and the construction themed cake was a real hit! we had a few friends over to share cake and celebrate our girl with us.

there were some new puzzles, a new game, and a few other fun new activities.

we ended the day with homemade pizza and watched the movie "cars". she loved it and it was a fun end to the day.

so much has happened in the past three years, yet in some ways, march 17, 2010 seems like it was just yesterday.

it has been such a joy to watch love grow from a baby into a little girl. she is sweet, witty, incredibly bright and intelligent. she keeps us laughing, tells us she loves us as we tuck her into bed, and loves to sing. she has really started to hold up her end of conversations, and often initiates conversations with us. she has an incredible memory and often shocks us with what she remembers or knows. she usually asks politely for things ("pretty please mommy?"), and she exercises her dramatic side numerous times a day. she loves trains, school buses, construction equipment, legos, "gummies", butterflies, books, snowmen, and ballerinas. she loves her little brother and {usually} makes him laugh. he looks up to her and follows her around during the day. she still sleeps in a crib (we will see how long we can keep that up!) with a washcloth in each hand and the little blue stuffed bunny that her daddy used to sleep with when he was little.

love is such a delight and we love her so very much...more than words could ever say. we thank God everyday for her life and her place in our family.

as we currently have written on the chalkboard in our kitchen, "the Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy!"

love must have thought that her birthday was a lot of fun, because she informed me the next day that she was ready for another birthday. not so fast, girly! this mama can't handle another birthday for at least a year! four can take it's time in coming.

the birth story of our little man

(Within our little guy's first few days, I wrote down his birth story because I didn't want to forget any details of the day. I wasn't sure that I wanted to share this on my blog, but decided to do so. I love hearing and reading other people's birth stories and thought someone might enjoy reading about the day. I also have had a lot of people ask about the home birth and would love to raise awareness about what a home birth could look like and share how it went for me. I have edited out some of the details that don't really need to be shared with the whole world, but have left most of the story as is. I hope you enjoy reading about the arrival of our little man.)

Jeremy’s Dad arrived for a twelve day visit on Thursday, May 17. My due date had come and gone on Mother’s Day, May 13, and I was feeling very pregnant and uncomfortable and ready to have a baby! On Friday, we went to the zoo and walked around for about three hours. We ran into my midwife when we went out for ice cream afterwards and we all agreed that we hoped the next time that we saw each other was when I was in labor! On Saturday, Jeremy graduated from seminary. On Sunday, we skipped church (I didn't feel like hearing everyone's comments about how I was still pregnant!) and went out for bagels and then for a morning walk in the Nature Preserve. The high that day was 93 degrees and it was really humid. By the afternoon, our house was feeling quite unbearable and I was antsy to get out, so we headed to the mall. Dad stayed with our girl while she played in the playground area and Jeremy and I briskly walked around the mall about five times.

We headed home and ate dinner. I was noticing that I was having contractions and thought they seemed to be pretty regular. I timed them and they were about 5 to 7 minutes apart, but they were not painful at all. I had also been having cramps all day. I thought something might be starting, so I called Yolanda, our midwife, around 9 pm just to let her know. She told me to go to bed so that I could get some rest. Dad, Jeremy, and I were playing a round of Rummikub, so we finished the game and I headed to bed.

I woke up around 3 am and was feeling really uncomfortable, so I decided to get up. Jeremy woke up too and came downstairs with me. I was having contractions on and off, but nothing really significant. It felt a lot more comfortable to be out of bed. I sat on the exercise ball and had a snack. Jeremy set up the birthing tub in our dining room. Around 5 am, I decided to lie down on the couch and try to get some rest. I dozed until about 7 am. Yolanda called around 8:30 in the morning to check in. I told her that I was having slightly uncomfortable contractions about 3 to 4 minutes apart. We decided we would check in by phone around 4 that afternoon unless things changed before then.

My contractions started becoming more intense as the morning went on, but I breathed through them and found them very manageable. Jeremy’s Dad took our girl out around 10:30 am (they were planning to be out all day and spend the night in a hotel, so we didn't have to worry about her).

Around 11 am, Jeremy and I decided to go for a walk. We took a good walk around the neighborhood. I felt that my contractions were getting more intense, but I was able to walk through them and we enjoyed walking hand in hand and talking along the way. After we got home, I took a shower and was having some stronger contractions. When I wasn’t having a contraction, I was still able to talk and walk around the house. I sent a few emails. I ate some chicken noodle soup and we tried to watch an episode of a show online but the contractions were stronger and I wasn’t able to concentrate on the show, so we turned it off. 

We decided to take one last belly photo (this pic was taken in between contractions at 1:45 pm, about 3 hours before our little guy was born):

I felt like I didn’t quite know what to do with myself at home, so we headed out for another walk (it was about 2 pm). We walked about six blocks and my contractions were getting to the point where I had to stop, lean on Jeremy, and breathe through them. Of course, people were driving by and we were probably quite a sight laboring right there on the sidewalk! I remember both of the walks we took that day as very special times...walking with Jeremy and realizing that soon we would meet this little one!

We got home from the walk around 2:30 and I was really starting to feel things picking up. Jeremy called Yolanda to give her an update and to ask her if it was okay for me to get in the birthing tub. She said that was a good idea, so Jeremy started filling the tub. We decided to check in with Yolanda in an hour. In between contractions, I was walking around the house, helping Jeremy fill the tub, and doing various little tasks. When I would have a contraction, I would stop and lean on whatever piece of furniture was nearby and try to breathe and relax. Throughout the whole experience, I kept thinking, “Wow – this really isn’t as bad as I thought it would be”. 

I got in the tub around 3:15, while it was still filling. It didn’t provide the immediate comfort that I expected, but it was still helpful. I found that it was most comfortable for me to be on my knees and lean against the side of the tub. Around 3:30, things started to get really intense, to the point that I told Jeremy that I needed him with me. He knelt by the side of the birth tub and I leaned on him. I found myself clawing at the back of Jeremy’s shirt at the peak of the contraction (and the next day I saw that he had quite a big scratch across his back!). He calmly held onto me and encouraged me. I told Jeremy that I thought we should call Yolanda and tell her to come over, so he did.

Around 3:45 I suddenly felt like I was pushing during a contraction. That feeling scared me and I said to Jeremy, “I feel like I’m pushing!” I’ve never seen him move faster than the speed at which he jumped up, grabbed the phone, and called Yolanda back. She was already on her way over and said she would be here in a few minutes. Jeremy stayed right by my side as I had a few more contractions before she got to the house.

We were both so relieved when Yolanda walked in the door. She quickly began setting things up and then she checked me while I was in the tub. She said that there was just a tiny little lip of the cervix left and that she wanted me to have three more contractions to get rid of the lip of the cervix before I started pushing. I couldn’t believe that I was already that close to having the baby and I asked her for clarification. She assured me that this was really happening and that I was doing it. I was so relieved that the end was in sight! I had a couple more contractions and I felt my water break with one of them. She checked the baby’s heart rate and it was 140.

Yolanda helped me lean back into a semi-sitting position against the side of the tub and then I started pushing. Jeremy’s head was right by mine and he was constantly encouraging me and telling me that I was “kicking ass” with each contraction. Sometimes he would whisper into my ear. He offered me drinks in between contractions and was so supportive and kind.

Yolanda instructed Jeremy to reach down and feel the baby’s head, which he did. He was so excited and was so encouraging to me that I was doing it and that soon we were going to have a baby. I was moaning with each contraction and trying really hard to avoid any kind of screaming or high pitched sounds because I know that they are not as helpful as low sounds. I felt like I was pushing SO hard. Yolanda has such a soothing voice and she repeatedly said, “We want to have a gentle birth, just a gentle birth”. 

In between contractions, Yolanda grabbed my hand and guided me to feel the top of the baby’s head. That motivated to get that baby out! Shortly afterwards, Yolanda said that the cord was wrapped around his neck. I had to hold off on pushing for a bit while she took care of that (not an easy task when everything in your body is saying that it's time to get the baby out!). She said that we were going to get the baby out on the next contraction, so I pushed really, really hard. I remember saying, “It hurts!”, “I’m shaking!” and “I just want to be done!”. I just kept breathing and pushing and then all of a sudden he slid out of my body and I was pulling him onto my chest. It was 4:48 pm.

He was very purple and didn’t start breathing right away. Yolanda rubbed all over his body and covered him with a towel. I was a little scared and asked if he was okay. She assured us that he was, he just needed a little extra time to transition. I was rubbing his back and talking to him and then he started giving little coughs and breathing and eventually started crying.

After our little guy started breathing and I knew he was okay, I remember leaning my head against the back of the tub while he was lying on my chest and said, “I did it. I cannot believe I did that!” After months of wondering if I could actually have our baby at home and sometimes doubting whether I could handle the pain, I was so incredibly proud of myself and amazed at my body. Jeremy cut the cord about ten minutes after he was born.

our new little one (sucking his thumb!)

I moved to the couch, and Jeremy got me a drink and a snack and Yolanda cleaned everything up. I nursed baby. Yolanda did a newborn exam and weighed him. We were all shocked when he weighed in at 10 pounds, 10 ounces! He was 21.5 inches long. 

Getting weighed...

Look at that little smushed newborn face!

The newborn exam...

A proud daddy and his boy!

 We called our families to share the good news and snuggled with our new little guy on the couch. Yolanda left around 7:30 and Jeremy and I got takeout for dinner. We spent a quiet evening at home together, soaking up our new baby. We were exhausted and full of joy.

     

Enjoying a hard-earned beer with dinner that night!

This birth was an amazing and bonding experience for us as a couple and we grew in our love and tenderness for each other. Walking hand in hand through the neighborhood as we anticipated meeting our boy, holding onto Jeremy as I experienced intense contractions, Jeremy's tenderness and encouragement to me while I was pushing...they all made me love and appreciate him more.

May 21, 2012 will go down in the books as one of the hardest and greatest days of my entire life. I am so thankful that our little guy is here – safe and sound. I am thankful that he had a gentle birth at home. I am thankful for Yolanda and her part in our experience. I am thankful for Jeremy and his love for me. And I am so proud of myself for having a natural and beautiful birth at home.

29!

i turned 29 on saturday. my birthday started as every day does at this stage of my life - groggily nursing a hungry little babe in the early hours of the morning. as i sat there, i found myself reflecing on this past year of my life. 28 was quite a year, with it's share of ups and downs. i don't want to spend too much time focusing on the downs, but the ups...oh, there were many of those...some of them i want to record here...

...experiencing the breathtaking beauty of big sur on our trip with jeremy's dad last summer.

 

...perfecting my honey sweetened lemonade iced tea drink. yum.

 ...whale watching, and seeing dolphins, sea lions, and seals in the wild. 

 ...falling more in love with jeremy as the year went on.

...our road trip home after a summer in california. 

...jeremy's birthday morning when i took a pregnancy test and was totally shocked when it was positive! and the look on jeremy's face when i asked him if he wanted his first birthday present, he said yes, and i pulled out the pregnancy test and showed him. what joy!

...spending each tuesday morning in study and fellowship with a wonderful group of girls who are also married to seminary students. so thankful for that support system in my life over this past year.

...the day we spent at an orchard as a family last fall. watching our girl carry around the baby goats

and hearing her talk about it for days afterwards.

...the murder mystery event we planned for our youth group.

...finding so much joy in watching our girl grow and being able to start having actual conversations with her.

...finding out we were going to have a baby boy! watching my belly grow and feeling his little kicks as he grew.

...a romantic cabin getaway with jeremy in january.

...making a rainbow cake with our girl for her second birthday.

...the everyday joy of watching our girl grow. introducing her to new things...ice cream bars, water balloons, sledding, snow angels, finger paints, amusement park rides, acorn collecting, and kiddie pools.

...seeing jeremy graduate from seminary.

 2 days before our little guy was born - very pregnant!

...reaching my goal of having a natural birth at home! my biggest life accomplishment to date (and potentially ever).

 ..seeing our little guy for the first time and then falling in love with him in the days that followed.

...introducing our girl to her baby brother.

...taking our girl on her first train ride.

...realizing how much i love being a mom - even more now that we have two.

 a year full of blessings, i would say!

my birthday celebration really began on friday evening. some kind friends from church ordered us a pizza and we had pizza, beer, and birthday cake for dinner. our girl was really excited about singing happy birthday to mommy, and of course, eating cake. on saturday morning, she eagerly wished me a happy birthday. i headed out for a haircut in the morning. it was a nice quiet hour of time to myself. 

it was a hot day, so after i got home, we decided to pack up and head to the beach. we stopped at panera for delicious strawberry poppyseed chicken salad (a favorite of mine!) and made our way to the lake. we had fun digging in the sand, wading in the water, and watching our girl play in the waves. a thunderstorm blew in about an hour after we got there, so we headed for home. we all had showers, read some books, and put our girl down for bed. after she was in bed, jeremy picked up indian takeout, we shared an order of yummy, but spicy, chicken tikka masala, had a glass of wine and some leftover birthday cake, and watched our show online. i even got a birthday back rub!

(lest you think the day was perfect...our girl had some digestive issues which ended up resulting in quite a bit of laundry, and our little guy was spitting up a lot - including twice straight down my shirt! that contributed to the laundry as well. by the end of the day, jeremy and i were quite ready for a break from poop, pee, and spit up, though we did agree that it made for quite the memorable day!)

ANYWAY...i am excited to be entering another year and am eager to experience this new year of life. i am so thankful for my life and the people in it. i am most thankful for God's grace that carries me through each day (especially as i adjust to mothering two little ones!), and for the assurance that he is with me always, through each year. here's to 29!

pinwheel birthday party!

we recovered from our busy weekend and i'm excited to share the details of our little one's birthday party! the weather is still cold and unpredictable in our part of the world, so we had to limit the number of guests due to the size of our house and the fact that we couldn't spill out onto the porch or the front yard. i started thinking of ideas for this party for a couple of months now (i think it is how i got through the winter!). our daughter loves pinwheels, so i decided i wanted to incorporate those in her special day. it turned out to be a lot of fun!

i made the invitations and think they turned out really cute! i just bought a sheet of candle stickers and used scrapbook paper to make pinwheels.

i got a pinwheel lawn decoration this past winter (in hopes that spring would come someday!), so we put that out on the day of the party to continue the pinwheel theme. it's great because we can leave it out for the springtime. 

the birthday girl wore a mama made pinwheel barrette and a corduroy party dress.

for decorations, i made pom poms out of tissue paper and a pendant garland out of scrapbook paper and ribbon. i found some pinwheels in the dollar bin at target, so i put those in a vase as a decoration on the table.

i had plenty of help getting ready for the party, as my family was here from out of town for the weekend. we served water, iced tea, fruit kabobs, veggies and hummus, chips and salsa, and homemade pigs in a blanket.

 

i made honey-sweetened cupcakes, and a smash cake from the same recipe. the pinwheel cupcake toppers that i made were the perfect addition to the celebration.

our girl thoroughly enjoyed her smash cake and her party! i think the day was a success!