family of four

we are having so much fun as a family of four. there are stressful moments, like last night when we sat down to eat dinner and big sister decided to scream, throw food, and put up a fuss while little guy decided he needed to eat. so...there we sat...trying to be consistent and enforce discipline with the older one, while i sat nursing the little one and eating with one hand. our looks, smiles, and hidden eye rolls to each other across the table and jeremy's winks in my direction communicated what we were both thinking..."wow, this is our life now."

we have been a great team throughout this transition - amazed at the new connection we feel to each other. we credit the birth for much of that. spending a day laboring at home together and then going through the birth gave us a new love and appreciation for each other and we have certainly been feeling the effects of that experience throughout the past eleven days. it's wonderful.

we have really been enjoying getting to know our little guy. we are having lots of fun! i got my wish for a baby who loves to snuggle. he will often be sitting in his car seat or bed and start fussing, but as soon as we pick him up, he snuggles right in and is content. we both realize how quickly this time goes, so he gets held most of the time. i think that's the way it should be. he does sleep in his little bed, and aside from the first few nights when he and i slept together in the lazy boy, he is content to sleep in his bed during the night. he has slept really well the past few nights, getting up once or twice to eat and then easily going back to sleep. last night was amazing - he slept from 10 pm to 6 am!

he has very alert times throughout the day and is content to sit and look around most of the time. he seems to be a pretty laid back little guy.

breastfeeding has been quite a saga. i had a really hard time breastfeeding our girl...she was not interested in nursing and did not want to do it. i struggled with a low milk supply. i nursed and supplemented and pumped and went to lactation consultants and even ordered medication from canada to increase my milk supply, and nothing made a significant difference. after our little guy was born, he started nursing really well. we spent most of his first week upstairs in our bedroom nursing. i was hopeful that things were going to be different this time around. over the weekend (the holiday weekend, of course), he was not pooping and was hardly peeing and it became clear that he was not getting enough milk from me. i talked with our midwife every day, sometimes twice a day, and spent a lot of the weekend in tears. on sunday, i talked with our midwife and we agreed that we needed to supplement with formula. late that night, i initially decided that i was just done breastfeeding him. i was not willing to go to heroic lengths to try to increase my milk supply, as i knew that was not successful the first time around anyway. however, i realized that i really missed nursing him. i decided to nurse him at the beginning of each feeding, and then give him a bottle. i am not stressing out about the amount that he is getting from me, but instead am enjoying the special time with him and knowing that at least i am giving him some of what he needs. he is currently getting organic formula, but as soon as all of the supplies arrive, i will begin making raw milk formula for him, just like i did for our daughter. i feel really good about the raw milk formula and think that it is the next best thing to breastmilk. i was hoping to be able to exclusively breastfeed him, and it is disappointing that i can't, but i am thankful that he is a good nurser and is easily able to breastfeed and drink from a bottle with no confusion. i am also thankful for the cows at the farm who provide good milk for my babies when i can't. so...that's the scoop on that.

our girl has been doing pretty well with the transition. of course, she has her moments. today, however, is a really good day with her. i took her out for a quick special little outing this morning, which made her day. my mom and sisters were here for a quick overnight visit on wednesday. my mom gave her a large cardboard playhouse, which is now occupying a significant part of our living room. she loves the house, especially the mail slots. jeremy and i have been delivering mail to the house on a regular basis. it's quite exciting.

i've had two afternoons this week where i've been on my own with the two kids, as jeremy has had class in the afternoon. it's a whole different way of doing things with the two kids, especially since i can't let baby out of my sight when our girl is up (she could strike at any time!). the afternoons went okay, and i know that i will eventually settle into a new routine that works well with two. physically, i'm feeling pretty good, so that has been nice this week.

so...that's what's going on around here these days. we are soaking up our time together and enjoying being a family of four. our little guy fits right in and it feels like he's always been a part of our family. it might sound cheesy, but adding a fourth person to our family has made it seem like there is so much more love in our lives. yesterday, when i was gazing at our boy, i felt like i could feel some of the pieces of my heart healing. after losing jeremy's mom and my dad, i have experienced a lot of grief and sadness. this new life doesn't take away the sadness, but it brings more joy, which fills my heart and makes me feel a bit more whole. what a blessing.