polar express day

we've been trying our best over here to enjoy the christmas season...sitting by the tree, enjoying the lights, reading christmas books, doing advent devotions, listening to christmas music...

yesterday was a special polar express day at our house. in the morning, we read the polar express book. in the afternoon, love and i worked through a preschool pack that i had printed off and prepared. there were polar express themed puzzles, coloring sheets, matching cards, etc...

then...after jobot was in bed, we had a special movie night with love. we ate our homemade pizza while we watched the movie, then had hot chocolate, just like the kids on the polar express. love was so into the movie - we had to keep reminding her to eat her dinner. she loved it, and we loved just watching her joy. when we got to the part of the movie where santa gives the boy a bell, i pulled out a jingle bell for love. her eyes lit up and she was so excited.

i find so much joy in making things special for our family, and i'm really enjoying that she is at an age where she can appreciate special, fun things. our polar express day made a great memory, and just might be a tradition that continues every year at our house.

moses

after love's bible story the other morning...

daddy: "what was your story about today?"
love: "moses. he was scared of the bushes!"

advent preparations

i've been thinking ahead to christmas. well...advent, really. it seems like this is the first year when love will really be able to start to comprehend what christmas is all about. i really desire to take time to slow down this coming advent season. to share the story of jesus birth with love, and also soak it up once again for myself. to plan activities for advent that involve serving others, having fun, and basking in the hope that christ brought to this earth. i need that these days.

in thinking about the coming season, i am trying to find ways to share the coming of jesus with love in a way that she will be able to understand. she enjoys reading, so naturally, books seem like a wonderful way to accomplish this. i came across two books that i think would be very helpful, and if you are looking for a good christmas book to read with kids, check them out. someday i would like to own them and be able to read them every year during advent.

the first one, my favorite of the two, is song of the stars, a christmas story, by sally lloyd jones. we looked at this book at a bookstore recently and loved the way the story was told. jeremy said it gave him goosebumps. it is a beautiful book.

the second, room for a little one: a christmas tale, by martin waddell, has beautiful illustrations and a sweet story. i appreciate the phrase in the book, "a little one came for the world". yes, for the world he came.

by far, my favorite christmas book as a child, and still today, is the twenty-four days before christmas by madeline l'engle. i read it every year. in the book, the austin family does a special activity each day during advent. i know that a lot of people do this, but i have never done it. i think this will be the year that we will start this tradition with our little family. so, i have also been making a little advent list...so far, i have fourteen things on the list, and i will continue to add to it as we go along. by the beginning of advent, my list will be complete and we will be able to do something special each day. at some point, i will share our list on this blog.

we also have this way of light wreath that we will be using with advent devotions this year. i think it is such a meaningful way to lead up to christmas.

today was a little gloomy and a lot boring. after a dinner of pumpkin pancakes, we had a family dance party to christmas music. it lightened the mood around here and brought out some much needed giggles. the first dusting of snow drifted into our world tonight, and that calls for some snuggling time on the couch with my hubby.

leaves, leaves, and more leaves

we've been given the gift of a couple of days of unseasonably warm weather. and we have taken full advantage. yesterday we raked leaves, lots and lots of leaves. such satisfying work as the yard immediately looked amazingly better.

today there was a bit of sleeping in for this mama after a rough night with the littlest member of our family. after breakfast, we headed out for a walk and then trimmed the bushes in front of the house, put the sandbox in the garage for the winter, and loaded up the van for a trip to goodwill. i've been sorting and cleaning and organizing and decided it was time to get rid of a lot of things i've been holding on to "just in case". i've been feeling bogged down by things and stuff and am feeling good about getting rid of things.

we headed to a local furniture store where we had a $25 gift card that was good just for today. we didn't want any furniture and didn't want to spend more than the money our gift card was for...so we searched all the decorative things in the store and finally found a pillow with just the right colors for our living room. i've been wanting a colorful pillow to add some color to that room, so it was perfect. a $100 pillow on sale for $25, just right for our gift card...we had to pay 1 cent and then it was ours to take home. the sales guy asked if we wanted the $12 protection plan. really? for a free pillow? i don't think so. (and the whole time i was trying to comprehend a life of buying pillows so expensive that they need protection plans!). to top it all off, they had clowns, balloon animals, face painting, and snacks...all for free...so it was a good stop!

we went to costco and had samples and bought some eggs and maple syrup. when i opened the egg carton to check if the eggs were cracked, one of the eggs fell out and broke on the floor...so we ended up bringing home slightly less than two dozen eggs. jeremy broke another one after we got home, so i guess it is just a day of breaking eggs around here.

we got the car washed, redeemed a couple of free things at panera for a snack (lunch was the free snacks at the furniture place and the samples at costco!), and headed for home. i gave love a haircut and we cleaned up the house.

quite a productive day i would say.

the biggest news of the day is that jobot's first tooth popped through! he's growing up a little too fast.

extra hour

i used my extra hour on sunday to make a special breakfast for our family. we had a delicious and relaxed start to the day before we headed for church. 

halloween

our little lamb in a mama-made costume, and our little guy who dressed as his daddy.

she loved the sheep costume. especially her ears and little black nose. i loved that i made it for her.

handsome boys. our friend did an amazing job knitting jobot's little beard.

in the afternoon, we told love that later we were going to walk up to people's houses and say "trick-or-treat". and then...people would give us candy. a look of amazement and disbelief spread across her face followed by a huge grin. oh, the wonder of being a child. we had as much fun watching her trick-or-treat as she had trick-or-treating. oh, the joys of being parents.

recent funnies from our girl

randomly, at the dinner table, in a sing-song voice, "someday, i get older, i have beard like daddy!"

"we goin camping. gonna sleep in a cabbage" (cabin).

love - "gwampa is at gwamma's house"
me - "no, grandpa used to be at grandma's house, but now he is in heaven with jesus"
love, matter-of-factly - "yeah, he works there. jesus tells him what to do."

after i helped her get up from sitting on the ground, she ran off saying, "i am back on the rails!"

i love this age! she is so much fun!

day trip turned overnighter

it all started two days ago, on friday. it was supposed to be a day trip to the east side of the state with two goals: to get a much-needed crib for jobot at ikea, and then to visit our dear friends bekah and ryan in ann arbor.

we got out of the house in record time and hit the road, planning to be at ikea by lunch time. two hours in and jobot was sleeping and love was accidentally buying things on the iphone. oops. glad she only spent $1.96, though we didn't really want those digital coloring pages. we changed the settings on the phone so that can't happen again. we were cruising right along...until we weren't. the van stopped shifting gears and the rpms were getting higher and higher. (as a side note, i have always been worried about the transmission in this van even though two mechanics looked at it and said it was just fine. any time the van makes a weird noise, i say something about the transmission, which jeremy - understandably - finds irritating).

so the rpms were getting higher and higher and we were waiting for the van to gear down, which it wasn't doing. so, i said, "jeremy, this is not right. something is wrong with this, this is not what the car is supposed to be doing" and jeremy says, "don't go off on this tangent about the transmission again. we're just going up a hill" (may i add, it was slight incline in the road...not classified as a hill). cue smoke to start pouring out of from under the hood and also pouring into the van through the air vents. it smelled bad. something was really not right.

it was providential that in the minute that all of that happened, we came upon a rest stop and pulled into a parking spot. more smoke pouring out. someone pulled into the space next to us and asked if they could help us. it turned out that they knew about cars. they said it was the transmission...there was no transmission fluid. could just be that a seal broke and all the fluid drained out, or it could be worse.

thank goodness we were at a rest stop with bathrooms. anyway, we called a tow truck with aaa (knew there was a reason we pay for that every year!). they could tow us within a five mile radius for free, so we agreed to just tow it to the town that was (thankfully) only two miles away. the problem was that they didn't have a tow truck that could fit all of us. we called around town for a rental car. all we could find was a car that was available in an hour-and-a-half. so, the plan was that we would unload the van, the kids and i would wait at the rest area while jeremy eventually came back to pick us up with the rental car. it wasn't ideal considering it was 45 degrees outside and there was nowhere to sit inside the rest area...but that was our only option.

amazingly, at that moment, someone pulled into the parking space next to us. it was an older couple. the woman came over to our window and asked if we were having trouble. we explained the situation and she was very nice. then the tow truck came so we unloaded the van and up onto the two truck it went. the woman was still walking around and kindly offered to drive the kids and i to the rental car place! so, we loaded up the car seats and soon the kids and i were being dropped off there (the woman even gave me a big hug goodbye) and jeremy was at the mechanic. conveniently, there was a bucket of candy inside the office, so love enjoyed her first tootsie pop while i did paperwork. the rental car arrived earlier than anticipated and we headed off to the mechanic to pick up jeremy. we decided to just continue on with our day and wait to hear about the van. by this time, it was early afternoon and we were hungry so we stopped for lunch. as we were about to leave the parking lot after lunch, we got the call from the mechanic.

it was the worst case scenario...our transmission was shot. the quote to fix it: $2800. i kinda felt like i wanted to throw up. we started driving. we couldn't decide what to do. we ended up sitting in a parking lot and both kids were screaming in the back seat. then love decided she had to poop...it was crazy. we called our mechanic and asked for his advice. we decided to have the van towed home and fixed here. but we decided not to do anything until monday and try to enjoy the rest of the day.

so we headed to ikea. it wasn't a leisurely trip, but we fulfilled one of our goals - we got the crib. our wonderful friends in ann arbor offered to let us stay at their house overnight, and we thought that was best considering everything. after a quick stop to pick up a few toiletries, we headed to their house. shortly after we walked in the door, jeremy had a beer and i had a much-needed glass of wine in hand (thanks guys!). we enjoyed a relaxing evening of conversation, pizza, kid craziness, and staying up later than usual. it was such fun and we are so thankful for their friendship and their hospitality. after a rough night of sleep thanks to our children (i have officially self-diagnosed love with a made-up sleep disorder called "unfamiliar surroundings weird-somnia"), we enjoyed a bit more time with friends and headed out to make it home in time to drop off the rental car by noon. the trip back was less eventful than the way there, jeremy shared his starbucks gift card with me and bought me a chai and we had good conversation as we drove along. oh, and love didn't buy anything else, so that was a bonus as well.

what a saga. but, you know what? the weird thing is...these days weren't horrible. we were encouraged because we didn't have a huge fight, which certainly would have happened at past times in our marriage (we must actually be learning something!). we enjoyed being together, and we were amazed at the ways we saw God taking care of us and providing for us amidst the craziness. we thanked him all throughout the days. we enjoyed visiting with friends, jobot now has a crib, and we made it home safe and sound, thankful it was only a transmission and not a car accident or serious health problem.

sleep and stuff

i'm exhausted and a bit frazzled tonight. whew...it feels good to sit down. the kids are both in bed and my hubby is making me an omelette. he recently busted out his omelette making skills, impressing me, as every time i try to make an omelette it turns into eggs scrambled with whatever i was trying to put in the omelette. ha. turns out he worked in the cafeteria when he was in college and spent saturday mornings making custom omelettes for students. he became a pro. how did i make it through over four years of marriage before learning this about my husband? i'm not sure, but i'm glad that now i know that fact and am able to take advantage of it almost weekly. and also glad to know that we are not finished learning about each other yet.

it is amazing that it is 7 pm and both kids are in bed. and neither one is crying. jobot recently got into a really, really bad sleep pattern. a few weeks ago he was usually going down for the night around 9. he would fall asleep while nursing and then i would carefully creep up the stairs and lay him in bed. sometimes he would keep sleeping and other times his eyes would pop open and we would have to go through the whole thing all over again. once sleeping, though, he would sleep until 4 or 5 when i would get up and grab him and then doze in my chair while he nursed. that was all liveable (though not ideal). enter about ten days ago when he got a cold. he wasn't feeling well and was waking up more during the night. he refuses to take a pacifier and doesn't suck his thumb, so the only way to soothe him is for me to nurse him. we started sleeping together in my chair because he wanted to nurse and i wanted to sleep. then there was last wednesday night when he cried all night. i took him to the walk-in clinic in the morning as soon as it opened. yup, it turned out he had his first ear infection.

antibiotics took care of the ear infection, but unfortunately, they did not take care of the new habit of sleeping all night in the chair with mommy, a routine that quickly became unlivable for me. oh, how i wanted to sleep in my bed without a baby attached to me! (can you tell that i'm not exactly into attachment parenting? my time without kids is necessary, and so is my sleep).

so...jobot has moved into his own room and has been crying it out a bit. i absolutely hate having him cry, but there doesn't seem to be another way at this point. the good news is that he went down tonight (at 6 pm) with no crying at all. so, it seems that he is learning to soothe himself and fall asleep without me. this is one of the aspects of parenting that i strongly dislike, but it must be done, i guess.

i have a lot more to say, and i want to share some photos of the great camping trip we had with my mom a couple of weeks ago, but now i am going to go spend some time with jeremy. goodnight for now.

the zoo!

we went to a zoo with papa - such fun!

love had a blast feeding the giraffes! (i love this photo!)

and so did daddy. (really, all of us did.)

we rode the zoo train. it was definitely a highlight for love - and a highlight for all of us because we got to watch her enjoy it.

jobot was very interested in the goats...

they rode the carousel.

we all rode the tram.

and this kid looked cute, as usual.

we were all tired out at the end of the day, but we were thankful for such a fun day and good memories made with papa!

lately

what have we been up to lately? oh, just the usual. you know...

playing with homemade slime in the sink...

lining up trains in empty egg cartons...

dressing up like a princess...

finding trains "resting" in our slippers...

learning how to use scissors...

looking cute...

riding a pony for the first time and loving it. (she saw another girl riding the pony and looked at me and said sweetly, "mama, pretty please i want to ride the horse". how could we say no?)

being goofy. (the eyes were a birthday gift that love picked out for jeremy at the dollar store. "daddy wants those eyes!" apparently he did. haha. they came in a pack of twelve, so we've had creepy eyes rolling around our house for a week now).

waiting for papa at the airport. he just left yesterday after a fun-filled twelve day visit.

making sure we are prepared for winter...

enjoying lots of time with papa.

 

the kids and i have a cold, so we have been laying low around here. wiping noses, snuggling, waking up more during the night, missing social events, and soothing a frustrated baby who can't eat and breathe at the same time. we also had a short incident of the stomach flu from love. short as in 

(thankfully) only one episode of vomiting. unfortunately, the episode occurred on monday evening during dinner out at a restaurant. she went from happily sitting at the table to walking around hunched over and moaning and crying and saying her tummy hurt. and then all of a sudden we were those people...the ones who were sitting in the middle of the restaurant whose kid vomited all over. and yes, that was my husband who was examining the vomit in his hand and actually asked me what i thought a chunk of it was. seriously, he did that. (sorry, that's probably too much information). we sat there awkwardly while the servers brought towels upon towels, assured us that it wasn't a big deal and that it had actually happened three other times this week. we packed up our food, our just opened bottle of wine, and i took our girl to the bathroom and changed her clothes. it was an unfortunate outing to have forgotten baby wipes and an extra shirt...but we made due and used a baby blanket as a shirt. sometimes you just have to get creative, right?

i'm not such a happy mama when it comes to staying home with sick kids. especially when i'm feeling under the weather myself. i'm ashamed to say i was pretty grouchy this morning before jeremy left for work. i think there may even have been some words out of my mouth that went something like, "i am thankful that i can be the one to care for our kids during the day, but today i really don't like my job."

but...i had a few more swigs of coffee and said a few prayers, and i was "back on the rails" as love would say. the morning went okay and jeremy even got to come home early. he is working...but he is sitting on the couch next to me working instead of being an hour away. i like that better.

my little man

campers

mid-summer came and i got the camping bug. it happens every year. i longed for the musty smell of the tent, the coziness of sleeping bags, the fun of roasting hot dogs, the smell of the campfire, and the atmosphere of a campground.

i knew that camping with a two-year-old and two-month-old wouldn't be relaxing. (and it wasn't.)

but we wanted our kids to experience the joy of camping. so...we packed up and headed out. we originally planned to be gone one night, but after all the work involved in packing and setting up, we decided to stretch it to two. that was a good decision.

we camped at our favorite spot - ludington state park. we ate hot dogs. we introduced our girl to smores. we walked around the campground and went for a swim in lake michigan. jeremy finally conceded and agreed that swimming in lake michigan is better than swimming in the ocean.

we set up for meals and then cleaned up. we found that one of our tent poles had snapped sometime since our last camping trip and creatively made due without it. i forgot our sweatshirts (oops), so we made a stop at the gift shop. we slept on a bed that was covered in sand. we found out that our air mattress has a hole in it, and our lantern needs a new rechargeable battery. we went for drives both nights in a last ditch attempt to get love to finally fall asleep. we put up with her night terrors at 4 am the first night (and so did all of our campground neighbors!). we laughed in shock and sighed with relief when in the midst of her night terror, she suddenly plopped her head down on her pillow and fell asleep. we endured early morning thunderstorms complete with rolling thunder and constant lightning. we sopped up the puddles in our tent in the morning. we packed up a soaking wet tent and set it all up again to dry after we got home.

love touched her first fish. we enjoyed snuggling up with two cozy kids in the cool of the morning. we admired the 18 pound fish our neighbors caught on their fishing expedition. we marveled at our other neighbors who had a flat screen tv set up on their picnic table. we watched our girl sit in her little green chair and wave at cars, bikers, and walkers who passed our campsite. i snuggled with jobot and nursed him by the campfire. we scoped out other people's camping gear. we laughed together the first night after we put love to bed with a glow stick and then saw the light moving all around the tent as she walked around inside. we played games at the picnic table.

early morning in the tent. love these two little snugglers!

special cereals when we go camping!

enjoying some hot chocolate...

tired out from a late night and then some wave jumping in lake michigan.

 

nursing by the fire. something so cozy about that!

  

first smore...haha.

yummy!

a walk around the campground.

and a kind kid who happened to catch a fish right when we walked by. he showed love and let her touch it and then we watched the fish swim away!

we are pretty sure that was our last tent camping experience for a while. it's just really challenging with kids! but...we both agreed that it was worth it and it was definitely a memory maker.

less than perfect

i come across blogs of other mamas who homeschool a bunch of kids while they also care for a toddler and a baby, maintain a garden, care for animals, sew and knit clothes for their kids and themselves, cook from scratch, take beautiful photographs of all the fun things they do, and seem to always be patient and loving toward their children. unless they get more hours in the day than i do, i'm just not sure how anyone is able to do all of that.

it is easy to compare myself to those people...when i am holding a screaming jobot and love is grabbing onto my legs and crying because she hurt herself for the fiftieth time today. or when i lose my patience for a moment because i am tired of my child constantly throwing everything onto the floor when she decides she is finished with an activity. or when i wake up at 5:15 am and am still not able to accomplish everything i want to in a day. i feel like i can barely stay on top of the laundry and meal prep, much less take care of a garden, animals, and a bunch more kids!


i sometimes believe my own negative thoughts about myself...that i should be able to accomplish more in a day, that i must not be good at managing a house and caring for two kids or i would be able to do all of these things...


i have to remind myself that no one is perfect. and that i need to be happy with who i am and what i am able to accomplish. currently, that means that my main priority is meeting the needs of the two little people i am caring for all day. there are just some other things that are not possible at this stage of life...and i am learning to be okay with that. like the fact that until 6 am this morning, our dining room floor was covered in rice from an activity i did with love yesterday and i just didn't have a chance to sweep it up until this morning. or the fact that i have been using store-bought tortillas instead of homemade ones these days...because most days just getting a nourishing, healthy meal on the table is a struggle and there is no way i have time to make tortillas. or the fact that jobot is currently wearing a disposable diaper because the cloth ones are all dirty.


i am my hardest critic...jeremy often reminds me of that. i am learning to have grace with myself and i'm trying to be okay with a less than clean house, and with compromising in some areas. it is just what has to happen these days.

maybe i am writing this post mostly for myself, or maybe other people need to hear it as well.

i often reference the verse i have posted on the fridge...

"he tends his flock like a shepherd, he gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." isaiah 40:11

in the craziness of every day and in this work i have as a full-time mom, i am so thankful that God gently leads me along the way. i pray that i am able to follow each day and that following his lead is more important to me than cleaning the house or doing the dishes.

from the mouths of babes...

yesterday we were visiting my great-aunt. we sat down to a delicious spread of dinner. jeremy prayed and we began to eat. love was waiting for her roll to cool down and decided to say another prayer.

her prayer began as it usually does...
..."dear God. thank you for this day. thank you for mommy, daddy, jobot. thank you for bread. I LIKE BEANS!"

we couldn't help but laugh. i'm guessing God found it quite humorous as well.

we just returned home tonight from a week away. jeremy was at a work conference all week and i decided to spend the week at my mom's house. she was out of town until wednesday, but some of my sisters were around to help out, and my mom was very helpful after she got home. i was dreading this week for a while since jeremy would be gone, but i made it through - even with jobot's weird one day nursing strike. looking back on the week is a blur of caring for our kids with a trip to the zoo and the children's museum thrown in there somewhere.

we are very thankful to have our family back together again. this is the fun part of being apart - it's so lovely to be all together again! my heart was very fond of jeremy before this week, but absence made it all the more fond of him this week.

stay tuned for a post about our camping trip last week. we were brave and took the kids camping. it was quite the experience!

saturday

it's been a very pleasant saturday around here.

it's jeremy's day off - my favorite day of the week! amazingly, all of us slept in until almost 8 this morning. it felt so good to get some extra sleep!

i made pancakes for breakfast, with fresh blueberries i bought at the farmer's market yesterday. yum. i made a special caterpillar pancake for love. she happily ate the whole thing!

our kids were both very enjoyable this morning.

it was a beautiful day, so we headed to the local botanical gardens for a walk and some family time.

taking a break to feed a hungry jobot...

a great pic of my two favorite boys...

we went out for lunch and shared a burrito and some guacamole. delicious.

this afternoon i went out all by myself. that time alone is so good for my soul. i headed to the local bookstore cafe and drank a chai while reading a book. then i made a stop for some educational materials for love. this past week, i've started doing some preschool materials with her and she is totally into it. in fact, a lot of the behavior issues we have been dealing with have significantly decreased since i began having "school time" with her.

after i got home, we did some coloring and painting, and our girl played with her trains. she is very into trains these days...even having to kiss her engines goodnight before heading upstairs to bed. a common sight in our home these days...

we waited to eat until after love was in bed. jeremy grilled delicious steaks that were generously gifted to us by my sister and we had grilled vegetables and mashed potatoes on the side.

we watched some olympics while eating a treat of vanilla ice cream with peaches on top. a perfect end to a wonderful day.

new names

as i'm sure you have noticed, i don't refer to our kids by their real names on this blog. instead they are referred to as "our girl", "our little guy", etc...

now that we have two kids, i am finding it harder to refer to our kids without having some kind of name for them - it just gets confusing! so...i decided to give them blog names to make things easier around here...

introducing...

i will be referring to them by these names from now on, and hopefully this change makes everything a bit easier!

silly girl

as we were walking through the grocery store tonight, a quote from our girl (said in cheerful, sing-song voice):

"someday, i go far away for a while and never come back"

what? where did she learn that?!? we looked at each other incredulously and then hid our faces in shame as we felt like everyone around us must think we are horrible parents.

no, girl, please don't ever go far away.

a diaper bag saga

the other day, we spent some time running errands. we were about to turn onto our street when i had a sinking feeling and suddenly turned to jeremy and said, "do we have the diaper bag?" i frantically spun around to look for it...sure enough, it wasn't there. jeremy immediately turned the car around and we went into panic mode. where did we see it last? which of us was the last person to have contact with it? we came to the conclusion that we had left it at the last store we had stopped at and that it must have been left in the shopping cart in the parking lot. we also concluded that it was jeremy's fault, and decided that we were not going to have a fight about it.

the fact that it was jeremy's fault was really not a big deal. you see, in the last year, we have left our diaper bag behind at least four other times, and we have each had our turn being the one at fault. in fact, the worst leaving behind of the diaper bag was my fault...when we were on a road trip to my mom's house and i left it at a coffee shop forty-five minutes away from her house. the bad part was that neither of us realized we had left it until we got to my mom's house, so jeremy had to drive all the way back to pick it up.

so, the frantic realization that the diaper bag is missing is not unfamiliar to us. however, the fact that we decided we were not going to have a fight about it was a big deal. you see, we have had fights over several of the other diaper bag mishaps, so this was a big step for us. and we actually stuck to that agreement and didn't have a fight. hurray for us.

we thought that things were looking up in terms of keeping track of our diaper bag. before we had our boy, we just had a small little backpack type bag that was our diaper bag. it was gray and was easy to leave behind. after the fourth time we lost our diaper bag (in the shopping cart at a grocery store in california) jeremy announced that our next diaper bag was going to be very large and neon in color. we realized that neither of us really wanted to carry around a neon bag, but after realizing the amount of stuff we have to schlep around with a baby and a toddler, we now own what just might be the world's largest diaper bag. you would think it would be impossible to leave behind since it is so big, but apparently it's not.

anyway...back to the car ride to retrieve the forgotten bag. i, of course, start listing off everything that is in the bag that someone could steal (including my wallet). my heart was pounding and i felt helpless as we were several miles away from the store and all i could do was wait out the drive there. jeremy was more calm and was sure that we would find the bag and all would be well. he even prayed out loud on the way there.

sure enough...about ten minutes later we pulled into the parking lot and there was a worker retrieving the shopping carts from the cart corral. he must have seen us frantically scanning the parking lot and he asked if we were looking for a diaper bag! why yes, we were! he told us that it was waiting for us inside the store, safe and sound.

it was, and all my fears were relieved. our diaper bag came home with us, and on the drive home we brainstormed ideas to prevent this from happening in the future (a diaper bag tracking device? an alarm that goes off whenever we get too far away from the bag? permanently attaching the bag to one of our bodies?). in the end, we came up with a simple system that will {hopefully} keep us from leaving the bag behind again any time soon. in addition to the new system, we just might be on the lookout for a huge, neon diaper bag...

two months old

our little man is two months old!

some facts about our boy. he...

...is so much fun these days! we are enjoying lots of smiles, coos, and giggles.

...is a big boy! can you believe he just started wearing some 6 to 9 month clothes?! i think he weighs around 14 pounds and he is really, really long.

...has found his hands and loves to chew and suck on his fingers.

...is still nursing and then having a bottle afterwards. he seems much happier now that we got some anti-colic bottles.

...gets up one to two times a night to eat.

...loves to snuggle and often wants to nurse in order to fall asleep.

...really enjoys sitting in the swing (most of the time, anyway). 

...loves bath time and swimming.

...wants to be held a lot.

...enjoys being carried in the babyhawk carrier (although we don't use it when it is so hot!)

...is still sleeping in his little bed in our room.

...brings so much joy to our family!

on a sunday...

baby and i slept in a bit this morning while jeremy played trains with our girl. the wooden train set is her favorite toy these days and they set up a large track, snaked through our living room. baby has been getting up twice to eat the past few nights, and i've been tired, so it felt really good to sleep in.

the kids and i stayed home from church this morning. baby nursed while we read books, and our girl played with her trains. there were quite a few moments of testing me, which culminated in our girl turning into a limp noodle when it was time for her to sit on the potty. those are the kind of moments which frustrate me the most. in retrospect, i realize that my frustration in those moments is more because i don't know how to deal with her behavior than it actually is with the way she is acting. those moments seem to be happening quite often these days. this parenting thing...it's a constant struggle to maintain patience, balance my love for her with the need to discipline, and be creative in the way i respond to her defiance. and defiance there is...in fact, the other day at the bookstore, jeremy stayed with the kids by the train table while i left to seek out some parenting books. i returned with a stack of five, among them, "parenting the strong willed child", "discipline with love and logic for toddlers through age 6", "the strong willed child", and a couple other books i have forgotten the titles of. we must have looked rather desperate, sitting there looking through them as our two-year-old played. the thing is...we often feel desperate! desperate for someone to hand us the manual to raising this girl, and desperate for someone to hand us the extra dose of patience, love, and creativity we need.

some days i feel like i am doing great and the extra patience, love, and creativity are brimming over throughout the day. other days i feel like i am at the end of my rope and find myself barking "no" and sighing more than i want or need to. most days are a mix of both.

take the other morning for example. i was eager to get out of the house for a bit and the patience, love, and creativity were brimming over. i decided to take the kids to the craft store. i pictured baby sleeping in his car seat in the back of the shopping cart and big sister sitting in the shopping cart seat while i strolled through the store. i thought that my girl and i would chatter about what we saw, and we would eventually settle on some little crafty item to purchase and work on together after we got home. in reality...baby was screaming as we loaded up the car and headed out. he had recently eaten and i thought he would fall asleep on the way there. he didn't. we got to the store and i loaded the kids in the shopping cart. the shopping carts at this particular store are tiny and although both kids fit, big sister was getting pretty mad that brother's car seat handle was right behind her head. she would bang her head on it and whimper every once in a while, just to dramatically show me that she was not happy with this arrangement. baby lasted in his car seat for about three minutes before he started crying. i took him out of his seat and started picturing myself holding him in one arm while i pushed the cart with the other. i thought, "this could still work". what i didn't picture was how we would end up...baby screaming inconsolably (apparently still hungry), and me standing in the middle of the store digging into the diaper bag to get out a bottle and then trying to feed him while our girl attempted to hit me, grabbed things off all the nearby shelves, and started yelling. all that extra patience and creativity were gone (there was still some love...but it was hard to find at that moment!) and i almost burst into tears myself right there in the middle of the store.

there certainly are many moments of beauty in this life of ours, and along with this strong will of our daughter comes a bright, affectionate girl who freely says, "i like you mommy" and is often a pleasure to spend time with. sometimes in the midst of the challenges, those moments seem pretty far away. i have found myself praying more frequently these days...mostly for help and wisdom as i deal with a toddler. but there are also prayers of gratitude and thanksgiving for the beauty of these two little ones in our life and the privilege of being their mommy. these days are going so quickly and i can see and feel their little bodies getting bigger. so...i try to take extra notice of the way baby clasps my shirt when he nurses, the little dimples in his knuckles, the way he breathes as he snuggles. and our girl...her little curly hair, her giggles, how she reaches up to hold my hand when we walk outside, and the way she sits next to me when we read a book.

this afternoon, i got time out to myself, for the first time since baby was born. ahh...it was wonderful. i snuck out between feedings and went to the local bookstore where i slowly enjoyed lunch while reading a good book. i sat there reading long after my lunch was gone, savoring the time away from home. when it was time to go, i felt refreshed and ready to head home. i was reminded how that time away is so important for me to gain perspective and have some time to myself. jeremy is very good at encouraging me to have that time to myself and offering to give me the opportunity to go out. when i thank him for giving me that time, he always thanks me for taking him up on the offer and going out. what a guy! (i think he knows from experience that everything goes a bit better around here if mama gets some time out every so often). the good news is that i'm only halfway done with the book, so i have an excuse to get out again soon.

the birth story of our little man

(Within our little guy's first few days, I wrote down his birth story because I didn't want to forget any details of the day. I wasn't sure that I wanted to share this on my blog, but decided to do so. I love hearing and reading other people's birth stories and thought someone might enjoy reading about the day. I also have had a lot of people ask about the home birth and would love to raise awareness about what a home birth could look like and share how it went for me. I have edited out some of the details that don't really need to be shared with the whole world, but have left most of the story as is. I hope you enjoy reading about the arrival of our little man.)

Jeremy’s Dad arrived for a twelve day visit on Thursday, May 17. My due date had come and gone on Mother’s Day, May 13, and I was feeling very pregnant and uncomfortable and ready to have a baby! On Friday, we went to the zoo and walked around for about three hours. We ran into my midwife when we went out for ice cream afterwards and we all agreed that we hoped the next time that we saw each other was when I was in labor! On Saturday, Jeremy graduated from seminary. On Sunday, we skipped church (I didn't feel like hearing everyone's comments about how I was still pregnant!) and went out for bagels and then for a morning walk in the Nature Preserve. The high that day was 93 degrees and it was really humid. By the afternoon, our house was feeling quite unbearable and I was antsy to get out, so we headed to the mall. Dad stayed with our girl while she played in the playground area and Jeremy and I briskly walked around the mall about five times.

We headed home and ate dinner. I was noticing that I was having contractions and thought they seemed to be pretty regular. I timed them and they were about 5 to 7 minutes apart, but they were not painful at all. I had also been having cramps all day. I thought something might be starting, so I called Yolanda, our midwife, around 9 pm just to let her know. She told me to go to bed so that I could get some rest. Dad, Jeremy, and I were playing a round of Rummikub, so we finished the game and I headed to bed.

I woke up around 3 am and was feeling really uncomfortable, so I decided to get up. Jeremy woke up too and came downstairs with me. I was having contractions on and off, but nothing really significant. It felt a lot more comfortable to be out of bed. I sat on the exercise ball and had a snack. Jeremy set up the birthing tub in our dining room. Around 5 am, I decided to lie down on the couch and try to get some rest. I dozed until about 7 am. Yolanda called around 8:30 in the morning to check in. I told her that I was having slightly uncomfortable contractions about 3 to 4 minutes apart. We decided we would check in by phone around 4 that afternoon unless things changed before then.

My contractions started becoming more intense as the morning went on, but I breathed through them and found them very manageable. Jeremy’s Dad took our girl out around 10:30 am (they were planning to be out all day and spend the night in a hotel, so we didn't have to worry about her).

Around 11 am, Jeremy and I decided to go for a walk. We took a good walk around the neighborhood. I felt that my contractions were getting more intense, but I was able to walk through them and we enjoyed walking hand in hand and talking along the way. After we got home, I took a shower and was having some stronger contractions. When I wasn’t having a contraction, I was still able to talk and walk around the house. I sent a few emails. I ate some chicken noodle soup and we tried to watch an episode of a show online but the contractions were stronger and I wasn’t able to concentrate on the show, so we turned it off. 

We decided to take one last belly photo (this pic was taken in between contractions at 1:45 pm, about 3 hours before our little guy was born):

I felt like I didn’t quite know what to do with myself at home, so we headed out for another walk (it was about 2 pm). We walked about six blocks and my contractions were getting to the point where I had to stop, lean on Jeremy, and breathe through them. Of course, people were driving by and we were probably quite a sight laboring right there on the sidewalk! I remember both of the walks we took that day as very special times...walking with Jeremy and realizing that soon we would meet this little one!

We got home from the walk around 2:30 and I was really starting to feel things picking up. Jeremy called Yolanda to give her an update and to ask her if it was okay for me to get in the birthing tub. She said that was a good idea, so Jeremy started filling the tub. We decided to check in with Yolanda in an hour. In between contractions, I was walking around the house, helping Jeremy fill the tub, and doing various little tasks. When I would have a contraction, I would stop and lean on whatever piece of furniture was nearby and try to breathe and relax. Throughout the whole experience, I kept thinking, “Wow – this really isn’t as bad as I thought it would be”. 

I got in the tub around 3:15, while it was still filling. It didn’t provide the immediate comfort that I expected, but it was still helpful. I found that it was most comfortable for me to be on my knees and lean against the side of the tub. Around 3:30, things started to get really intense, to the point that I told Jeremy that I needed him with me. He knelt by the side of the birth tub and I leaned on him. I found myself clawing at the back of Jeremy’s shirt at the peak of the contraction (and the next day I saw that he had quite a big scratch across his back!). He calmly held onto me and encouraged me. I told Jeremy that I thought we should call Yolanda and tell her to come over, so he did.

Around 3:45 I suddenly felt like I was pushing during a contraction. That feeling scared me and I said to Jeremy, “I feel like I’m pushing!” I’ve never seen him move faster than the speed at which he jumped up, grabbed the phone, and called Yolanda back. She was already on her way over and said she would be here in a few minutes. Jeremy stayed right by my side as I had a few more contractions before she got to the house.

We were both so relieved when Yolanda walked in the door. She quickly began setting things up and then she checked me while I was in the tub. She said that there was just a tiny little lip of the cervix left and that she wanted me to have three more contractions to get rid of the lip of the cervix before I started pushing. I couldn’t believe that I was already that close to having the baby and I asked her for clarification. She assured me that this was really happening and that I was doing it. I was so relieved that the end was in sight! I had a couple more contractions and I felt my water break with one of them. She checked the baby’s heart rate and it was 140.

Yolanda helped me lean back into a semi-sitting position against the side of the tub and then I started pushing. Jeremy’s head was right by mine and he was constantly encouraging me and telling me that I was “kicking ass” with each contraction. Sometimes he would whisper into my ear. He offered me drinks in between contractions and was so supportive and kind.

Yolanda instructed Jeremy to reach down and feel the baby’s head, which he did. He was so excited and was so encouraging to me that I was doing it and that soon we were going to have a baby. I was moaning with each contraction and trying really hard to avoid any kind of screaming or high pitched sounds because I know that they are not as helpful as low sounds. I felt like I was pushing SO hard. Yolanda has such a soothing voice and she repeatedly said, “We want to have a gentle birth, just a gentle birth”. 

In between contractions, Yolanda grabbed my hand and guided me to feel the top of the baby’s head. That motivated to get that baby out! Shortly afterwards, Yolanda said that the cord was wrapped around his neck. I had to hold off on pushing for a bit while she took care of that (not an easy task when everything in your body is saying that it's time to get the baby out!). She said that we were going to get the baby out on the next contraction, so I pushed really, really hard. I remember saying, “It hurts!”, “I’m shaking!” and “I just want to be done!”. I just kept breathing and pushing and then all of a sudden he slid out of my body and I was pulling him onto my chest. It was 4:48 pm.

He was very purple and didn’t start breathing right away. Yolanda rubbed all over his body and covered him with a towel. I was a little scared and asked if he was okay. She assured us that he was, he just needed a little extra time to transition. I was rubbing his back and talking to him and then he started giving little coughs and breathing and eventually started crying.

After our little guy started breathing and I knew he was okay, I remember leaning my head against the back of the tub while he was lying on my chest and said, “I did it. I cannot believe I did that!” After months of wondering if I could actually have our baby at home and sometimes doubting whether I could handle the pain, I was so incredibly proud of myself and amazed at my body. Jeremy cut the cord about ten minutes after he was born.

our new little one (sucking his thumb!)

I moved to the couch, and Jeremy got me a drink and a snack and Yolanda cleaned everything up. I nursed baby. Yolanda did a newborn exam and weighed him. We were all shocked when he weighed in at 10 pounds, 10 ounces! He was 21.5 inches long. 

Getting weighed...

Look at that little smushed newborn face!

The newborn exam...

A proud daddy and his boy!

 We called our families to share the good news and snuggled with our new little guy on the couch. Yolanda left around 7:30 and Jeremy and I got takeout for dinner. We spent a quiet evening at home together, soaking up our new baby. We were exhausted and full of joy.

     

Enjoying a hard-earned beer with dinner that night!

This birth was an amazing and bonding experience for us as a couple and we grew in our love and tenderness for each other. Walking hand in hand through the neighborhood as we anticipated meeting our boy, holding onto Jeremy as I experienced intense contractions, Jeremy's tenderness and encouragement to me while I was pushing...they all made me love and appreciate him more.

May 21, 2012 will go down in the books as one of the hardest and greatest days of my entire life. I am so thankful that our little guy is here – safe and sound. I am thankful that he had a gentle birth at home. I am thankful for Yolanda and her part in our experience. I am thankful for Jeremy and his love for me. And I am so proud of myself for having a natural and beautiful birth at home.